Ending Up Alone
by KrisEleven
Summary: A one-shot from my submissions to Goldenlake's SMACKDOWN. The ringing in Raoul's head didn't block the screaming, no matter how he wished it to.


A/N This is based off of an interview with Pierce on Random Buzz. You can check out the interview here: www dot randombuzzers dot com.

* * *

><p>The ringing in Raoul's head didn't block the screaming, no matter how he wished it to. He struggled to get himself up out of the mud, the desperation of the sound echoing through the muddle his brain had become. He managed to get to his feet, but he staggered and was back down in the mud before he realized he had lost his balance.<p>

_This is important_, he thought. _Someone could be dying_. That thought got him to his feet and he fought the spinning to focus on what was happening in front of him. The people who had appeared out of _nowhere_ were on the other side of the road and Raoul started towards them before he heard the screaming again and realized it wasn't coming from them. Looking towards the sound, Raoul felt his heart sink as he watched his stallion, Red, struggling to get off his side.

Every time the horse put weight onto his two front legs, he screamed. Even through the haze, Raoul could see the legs were broken. Walking forward, Raoul fell to his knees in front of Red, stroking his face gently as he freed his knife and did what had to be done.

He tried not to think about how Red had trusted him enough to keep still while he put the blade against the arteries in his throat. Red couldn't have survived with two broken legs; Raoul knew that. The thought didn't make him feel better about it. Raoul looked at the blood on his hands and realized that he had dropped the knife. He tried to search for it in the mud before he remembered the people behind him and got back to his feet.

As he made his way over to the small group, Raoul struggled to focus on how he was going to explain it to the rider he could see coming towards them. It was raining, and he couldn't see. Red must have slipped in the mud. They had come around the corner in the middle of the road – what were they doing there, anyway? Yes, it was the middle of the day, but it was dark with all these clouds... he hadn't see them before it was too late. They shouldn't have been there, anyway. He was riding back to camp from town and didn't see them, and they shouldn't have been there, anyway...

The excuses withered and died before they even touched his lips. The group of people he had very nearly run over was a _family_. The mother was holding onto a toddler who cried as blood ran from a gash on his forehead. The father was being fretted over by a shaking teenager, his leg obviously broken. A young girl stared at him, her eyes wide as she clung to the hand of a little boy. There was a bruise already dark purple on her cheek.

Raoul turned and vomited, nearly falling in it as he lost his balance. The fact that he had nearly killed children repeated over and over in his head. He retched again. He heard the horse ride up and someone jump off the saddle into the mud. He felt splashes on his back as running footsteps approached him.

"Raoul! Raoul! Are you all right?" Gary was suddenly kneeling beside him, touching his face as he brushed muddy hair from his face. Raoul closed his eyes, as if doing so would keep his best friend from actually being there. _Anyone but him_, Raoul thought. _I can lie to anyone but him. I can get out of this without anyone realising as long as it isn't Gary I have to tell the lies to._

"Raoul, look at me. Now. Look at me. Did you hit your head? Are you okay? Raoul!" It was the note of panic in Gary's voice that prompted his decision.

_How much pain are you going to cause tonight? _he thought at himself, his inner voice vindictive and nasty. _You're making Gary _beg_ for you to be okay when he should be helping the children you nearly killed. How low are you going to fall today, Goldenlake?_

He looked up and met his best friend's eyes and saw the realization hit before he even opened his mouth to say it.

"Are you drunk?" Gary asked, his voice falling to a hoarse whisper.

Raoul didn't answer, but, then, he didn't have to.

The confused, disappointed, _disgusted_ look on Gary's face as he backed away haunted Raoul. He sat on the edge of the road alone while Gary helped the woman soothe her injured and terrified child. Raoul listened to Gary assure her that more help would be there in just a moment and that he would make sure a healer was with them.

_I need another drink_.

The thought crossed Raoul's mind and lingered there for a moment before he registered it.

Leaning forward, he vomited again.


End file.
